It’s My Party

  It’s My Party

  Middang3ard™ Book Three

  Ramy Vance

  Michael Anderle

  The It’s My Party Team

  Thanks to the JIT Readers

  Jeff Goode

  Dave Hicks

  Diane L. Smith

  John Ashmore

  Dorothy Lloyd

  Kelly O’Donnell

  Deb Mader

  Jeff Eaton

  Misty Roa

  Larry Omans

  If I’ve missed anyone, please let me know!

  Editor

  The Skyhunter Editing Team

  It’s My Party (this book) is a work of fiction.

  All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Sometimes both.

  Copyright © 2019 by Ramy Vance & Michael Anderle

  Cover Art by Jake @ J Caleb Design

  http://jcalebdesign.com / jcalebdesign@gmail.com

  Cover copyright © LMBPN Publishing

  A Michael Anderle Production

  LMBPN Publishing supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.

  The distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact support@lmbpn.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  LMBPN Publishing

  PMB 196, 2540 South Maryland Pkwy

  Las Vegas, NV 89109

  First US Edition, September 2019

  ISBN (ebook) 978-1-64202-434-0

  ISBN (paperback) 978-1-64202-435-7

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to the wee monster growing in my wife’s belly at the moment of this book’s publication. I can’t wait to meet you!

  —Ramy Vance

  To Family, Friends and

  Those Who Love

  to Read.

  May We All Enjoy Grace

  to Live the Life We Are

  Called.

  — Michael

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Author Notes Ramy Vance

  Author Notes Michael Anderle

  Other books by Ramy Vance

  Books By Michael Anderle

  Connect with The Authors

  1

  Six riders atop axbeaks crested the hill, the sun beaming on their backs.

  The sun hung in its midafternoon arc. Butterflies and bees were swollen and tired, lounging on beds of pink and blue flowers with petals the size of quarters. The wind blew through the blades of grass that stretched skyward as if in prayer or exultation. With the appearance of the axbeaks over the hill, the air filled with the sound of whooping, screams, and shouts.

  The axbeaks that appeared were thin, two-legged creatures with spindly legs, feathers, and sharp ax-like beaks covered in old bloodstains. They were each saddled and bore a rider. As they raced, the veins in their necks stood out and they shook their feathers to try to cast off the heat of the sun.

  Suzuki rode toward the front of the pack of screeching birds. He no longer looked like the youth he had been only months ago when he first came to Middang3ard. Now his face was worn with the scars of the many battles he had survived. His loose leather armor was sweaty, and he wore a leather hood that cast a strong shadow over his face. A hand ax was ready in one hand, and he held a flaming fireball in the other.

  He cast a furtive glance over his shoulder.

  To his side rode Stew, who was working tirelessly to get his axbeak to move faster. Stew was at least a foot taller than Suzuki and much more muscular. His bare chest was covered in small scars, and his face was covered in acne more fitting for a teenager, a reminder of the life he had left far behind. He wore hardly any armor, only a kilt that was weighed down by two broadswords, an ax, and a belt of daggers.

  The barbarian slapped his axbeak in the back of the head to urge it to move faster.

  Sandy rode at Stew’s side. Her hair was braided in an elaborate fishtail, and she wore long, flowing black robes that sported blue trim across her chest and around her wrists. She did not bother to hold the reins of her axbeak, but it responded to her commands, regardless. A massive tome levitated in front of her, and she flipped through its pages rapidly.

  These were the Mundanes, and they rode with the fury of those who have been chased for far too long.

  Along with them were the Horsemen.

  Behind the six human riders came a host of others in pursuit, bestial creatures intent on murder and mayhem. There were gray orcs whose skin hung loose from their bones, their eyes red with rage, their teeth sharpened nearly to dagger-like razors. Their muscles flexed under their skin as they snapped the reins of the wargs they rode, which were massive wolf-like creatures.

  Their steeds, if you could call those monsters by such a lofty term, were disfigured, their massive heads far too large for their bulky, muscular bodies. Foam dripped from their mouths as they dashed forward like manic creatures pulled from a nightmare from whence few ever awaken.

  Goblins rode beside the hulking orcs. They were smaller, yet no less bloodthirsty. Their beady eyes looked out from under armor too large for their slim forms, daggers gripped firmly in their hands and teeth. They resembled pirates.

  Many of them rode wargs as well, while others sat atop smaller wolves that they kicked and chided to move. The goblins foamed nearly as much as the beasts.

  Toward the back of the swarm of savage monsters were giants, massive human-like beings with slack jaws and dead eyes that lumbered dumbly after the hellish gray orcs comprising the bulk of the riders.

  They totaled nearly fifty, and the Dark One’s forces rode with a speed that could only come from the madness of bloodlust.

  Up ahead, Suzuki checked over his shoulder again.

  The Dark One’s forces were gaining. It was as if their wargs were spurred on by the hope of blood, their jaws already gnashing at the thought of a fresh meal.

  “We are so fucked,” Suzuki shouted as he kicked his axbeak in the side to make it speed up. “Like, fucked-fucked. Like, grossly outnumbered and gangbanged into submission kind of fucked.”

  The man riding on the left side of Suzuki laughed. José’s heavy silver armor glinted in the sunlight. His armor wasn’t as rudimentary as the Mundanes’. It appeared to have been lovingly crafted, and there were small additions and upgrades such as his knuckles, which were outfitted with magical spikes that flickered, emitting little sparks of energy. A massive broadsword and shield hung from his back.

  “You’ve never survived a gangbang,” José shouted, the joy of the chase obvious in his voice. “Everyone should have one good gangbang before they die.”

  The woman at José’s side, Diana, shrugged her robed shoulders. Her robes were similar to Sandy’s yet, somehow, completely different. They appeared to be softer and more durable at the same time. She held a wand lightly in her hand and glanced cautiously over her shoulder at the approaching horde.

  “I’m not sure everyone enjoys being gangbanged, José,” she countered. “Some people enjoy singular intimacies.”

  The last of the six riders looked somewhat out of place among the others. Chipmaster, or Chip, wore very loose leather armor, but what she lacked in traditional armor, she made up for with a dazzling array of upgrades.

  A pair of heavy goggles hung around her neck, and her arms were covered with what could only be described as a hybrid between magical gauntlets and a mechanized buzz-saw launcher.

  She held her axbeak’s reins so tightly that her hands were white. Her face lacked the joy of her other party members, the Horsemen, and she appeared ready to vomit.

  The Mundanes and the Horsemen rode down the hill as the horde of villainous creatures chased them. There was still a fair amount of distance between the two groups, but Suzuki realized it was growing smaller by the minute.

  “We’re not going to be able to outrun them forever,” Suzuki shouted.

  José drew his sword, pulled on the reins of his axbeak so that the creature turned a 180, and rode toward the orcs. “Well, let’s give the fuckers a reason to slow down,” he called over his shoulder.

  Stew smacked his axbeak and pulled the reins so that he too turned and chased after José. He was smiling widely as he unsheathed one of his short swords. “This guy is out of his fucking mind.” Stew laughed.

  The rest of them turned around and headed toward the screaming mass of the Dark One’s forces. Suzuki wondered what José was planning. They were grossly outnumbered and running straight toward the enemy.

  Suzuki pulled up his HUD, the small visor that helped him manage his inventory and get a general read on the world
around him. He looked from his companions to the horde.

  His HUD read that they had a 2% chance of victory.

  Suzuki caught up with José, who was rushing headlong toward the fight. “What’s the game plan?” Suzuki asked.

  José pointed his sword at the orc leading the rampage. “That one,” José growled. “All we need to do is take him out and they’ll be confused. We kill that fucker, take a couple more as we retreat, and we’ll put a good amount of distance between us and them for a bit.”

  “You hear that?” Suzuki shouted to his party. “Everyone tag a man. José’s gonna go for the leader.”

  José shook his head. “I am? No way. You see how big that fucker is? You and me. We’re taking him out.”

  Suzuki’s eyes narrowed as he looked at the lead orc. He was small…for an orc. For a human, he was positively massive, but among his own kind, he hardly stood at shoulder height for the average orc. “Oh, come on, he’s not that big.”

  “That’s Ulrag. I’ve been fighting that bastard for the last two years. His personality is really what’s big. And it’s that winning personality that usually ends up killing people. So be on your game.”

  “And what about the rest of them?” Suzuki asked.

  José chuckled. “Oh, ye of little faith. My guys got this one. It’s a freebie. Try to keep up in the future.”

  Diana and the Chipmaster were riding very close to each other. Chip reached out and grabbed Diana’s reins as Diana shakily stood to her feet, balancing herself precariously on the thin back of the axbeak. She waved her wand around, eyes closed, muttering something under her breath. Above, black clouds were gathering.

  Chip scrambled to keep hold of the axbeak’s reins as it tried to buck Diana off.

  “Hey,” Chip called to Sandy. “You might have fun with a fireball or two, but you gotta behold the splendors that my girl be working with. The whole natural world her domain.”

  Diana opened her eyes as she grit her teeth. “Not quite,” she managed. “This one’s gonna take a lot out of me, so y’all better make sure to clean up the pieces and not waste it!”

  The clouds continued to darken and mass as the orc horde drew closer. The six riders were going to crash into the orcs at any second.

  There was a loud boom of thunder and a giant lighting crack. A bolt of lightning sizzled through the air and struck the middle of the orc horde, sending bodies flying and burning through the air. Many of the orcs and goblins were thrown from their wargs as the animals scattered among the scorched earth and burning grass.

  Sandy looked in awe at Diana, and then stared at the destruction she had caused with something akin to love.

  The riders connected with the first line of orcs and goblins. It was difficult to see what happened, but by the time Suzuki got to his feet and drew his sword, the field was already drenched in blood.

  Ulrag pulled himself up from the bleeding warg at his feet. He stomped the warg’s head in a vicious, thoughtless move. He was staring at José as he slowly walked toward him.

  All around the few orcs and goblins who weren’t completely disoriented were already sizing up their prey.

  José pulled his shield from his back and drew his massive broadsword. The sword’s edge fell to the ground with a heavy clunk. It looked too large to even be wielded by three men. “Tag ‘em and bag ‘em, boys,” José shouted.

  Ulrag was an orc of orcs. Now that he was on the ground, Suzuki could see that he was easily seven feet, his body a walking tapestry of pain, his eyes set and his mouth chewing in anticipation of the flesh he was going to tear. “José.” Ulrag sneered. “You do me and my horde a disservice. We will not fall so easily.”

  “Fuck off and let’s tango, buddy.” Then he said to Suzuki, “Come on, kid. Let’s kill us an orc general.”

  Ulrag, José, and Suzuki rushed at each other. José lifted his claymore with hardly any effort, the massive blade sailing through the air as Ulrag pulled two broadswords and blocked the attack. Ulrag kicked José in the chest, José barely having a moment to lift up his shield to absorb the blow, which still pushed him back a few feet, his boots sinking into the ground from the force of the attack.

  Then Ulrag turned his eyes to Suzuki.

  The attacks came faster than Suzuki could have been prepared for. All he could do was try and sidestep Ulrag as his blades cut through the air, each time barely missing Suzuki. Holy shit, this is how I’m going to die, Suzuki casually thought as he jumped back from an attack that would have disemboweled him.

  Suzuki had fought orcs before. Scores of them, actually, but something about this orc was off. He moved with a precision and cut-throat speed that Suzuki had never seen before. Maybe the orcs he had seen before were just grunts. Maybe the Dark One was taking a real interest in the Mundanes now.

  The Dark One.

  That was the name Suzuki heard over and over since he was first drafted into the insanity of Middang3ard. The powers that be, mostly a wizard moonlighting as a video game designer and CEO, had spent hundreds of years preparing the human race for the coming of the Dark One. That’s the line that Myrddin had fed Suzuki the day he had been whisked away from a New York skyscraper and dropped into Middang3ard’s boot camp.

  Suzuki’s whole world had been turned upside down. In a matter of minutes, everything he had thought about reality and fantasy had been pulled out from under his feet. Then, only a couple weeks later, he was dodging axes and fireballs from a host of creatures intent on his death—all in the name of saving the realms from the Dark One. Suzuki still had no idea what the Dark One even looked like. The closest he’d come to seeing the enemy was coming into contact with someone known only as the viceroy.

  Needless to say, Suzuki’s life had gotten weird—that very same life that he was very aware could end with a miscalculated step.

  Now is not the time to be thinking, Suzuki thought to himself as he flung himself out of Ulrag’s incoming attack.

  Suzuki skidded across the grass as José leapt through the air and brought his sword down on Ulrag, who tossed up his sword to deflect the attack. The two stood, locked in a stalemate, glaring into each other’s eyes, waiting to see who was going to crack first.

  This was an opening. Suzuki concentrated and called his familiar, Fred, an irate eldritch imp who lived in a pocket dimension in Suzuki’s head, and used the demon’s magic to enchant his ax with fire. Then he hurled his ax and watched it sail through the air and sink into Ulrag’s chest.

  Ulrag screamed in rage and pain and fell to his knees. José kicked Ulrag in the chest, jamming the ax farther in, spun, and lobbed off the orc’s head. José wasted no time in celebration. He turned, grabbed Suzuki, pulling him off running toward their axbeaks. They both leapt onto the fowl’s backs and José took off without looking back.

  Suzuki hesitated. “Hey, what about them?” Suzuki called to José.

  José tossed a dagger that landed square in the chest of a goblin as he turned back to Suzuki. “Do you have to babysit your party or something?” José teased. “Go get ‘em if you have to, but we need to put some distance between us.”

  Suzuki reached out to Fred and felt the imp unfolding in his mind. It helped if he imagined Fred, a smallish demon with red scales that bristled anytime he was spoken to, especially if it was by Suzuki. “Hey, Fred, can you let the other familiars know that we have to get out of here?” Suzuki asked.

  There was a long pause and finally Fred replied. “Yes, human.”